Let’s be real: parenting is HARD. But parenting with a trauma background is hard on another level.

Parenting is usually described as a journey filled with community, advice, and support. Parents having their “village” that they can rely on at difficult times. But for parents that have a trauma background or have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, this journey can be quite an isolating experience even in the presence of loving partners, family and friends.

Usually parents try to pull from their own childhood experience in order to have some sort of parenting “blueprint” . They can clearly see what they don’t want to repeat or how they can refine things for their children; but what do you do when your own childhood what a chaotic one? With few positive experiences and even emotional abuse that you can’t pinpoint exactly? With huge gaps in memory due to your own brain trying to shelter you from what you went through? You end up constantly second guessing your choices, wondering if you are doing the right thing and coming up with your strategies -all by yourself.

Conversations can feel alienating when you don’t share the same experiences as other parents, and your own childhood was filled with neglect, abuse and emotional deprivation. It can feel like a kick in the stomach when other parents reminisce lovingly about their upbringings, or rely on their parents for support in raising their kids.

Day to day life can feel like you are parenting in a battlefield. Your child’s cry, a loud noise, a harsh tone from your partner or even a moment of defiance from your child can trigger your nervous system and send you into a full blown emotional flashback, where your brain and body feel helpless and scared, just like you did back when you were a child.

Parents with complex PTSD carry the weight of having to break generational cycles for their children’s wellbeing on top of all the “normal ” fears and concerns of parenthood. So this adds up pretty quickly… Every decision feels urgent, and one small mistake can trigger immense guilt, having the parent over apologize to their children over minor things.

When you have a childhood trauma background, chances are you have been betrayed by loved ones. Your nervous system remembers that and protects you so that it never happens again. Unfortunately, that makes it hard for you to ask for support and help when you need it , since it’s hard to trust people.

So… if you are a parent with complex PTSD or have a trauma background, you are not alone. Breaking generational cycles is hard and what you are doing is admirable and it shows you really care about your kids’ wellbeing. Despite the difficulties of parenting with a traumatic past, there is help out there for you.

-Build a community of people who understand, find therapists that are trauma informed, parenting groups or online communities that can relate to your own personal struggles.

-Connect to your inner child, with the same grace and compassion you connect with your kids.

-Acknowledge your resilience and strength because despite how hard this is, you keep doing it every single day without fail and that is truly extraordinary!

You are not doing it wrong. Your experience is just different. You are doing what you can and you don’t have to do it alone. There’s so many of us out there!

Are you ready to stop living in survival mode and start parenting from a place of calm? Book your FREE 15′ consulation below and get 30% OFF your first therapy session!

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